PREFACE

Some of the names have been changed to protect the doofuses.
Some are anonymous.
Some of the names are real. All of the perpetrators are.

SLIGHT OVERSIGHT
Royce, 75, writes:
Okay, I laughed at you guys until today. This morning Jane (younger than Royce and still working fulltime) baked some banana bread before heading for her teaching job.  She asked me to clean up the kitchen because  she had to leave early. I was so diligent at cleaning up that I put the little  timer she had set for baking time in a drawer where, of course, with my bad hearing I didn’t hear it go off. Guess what happened to what was in the oven.
Is there help anywhere in sight?

(Ed. Note: Not much, Royce. Sorry.)

TIME OUT!
John, 70, is a nut about timing stuff right. Hungrily preparing breakfast, he gently slid two eggs into a sauce pan of heavily salted (so they won’t crack) boiling water, timed them 7 minutes (for perfectly soft-boiled) and kept an eye on the stove timer so he could microwave his leftover slice of corned beef for exactly one minute, to go with the eggs, getting both delicacies ready at the same time. Meanwhile, with three minutes to go he toasted two slices of whole wheat bread — good for the digestion.
He softened the hard butter by putting the dish in the nuker for 16 seconds and then when the egg clock said 1 minute he reset the microwave clock for one minute, to get the corned beef piping hot, and turned it on.
He buttered the toast just before scooping the eggs out of the shells, briefly cooled by putting cold water in the pan. That took just under one minute, while the microwave hummed.
Then, salivating on cue, he reached into the microwave for his corned beef and found that he had forgot to put it in. There it coldly sat, on a plate on the drainboard.
It was exactly one minute later before he could sit down to his slightly cooling eggs and toast, and he was not happy.

MIKE MAKES A SPLASH

Mike, 68, is not the only one who’s done this:

“This morning I ground the coffee beans for espresso, placed them in the
strainer, poured the necessary water into the top of the espresso machine and turned it on.
“After my shower, about 10 minutes later, the sink was covered with coffee. I Had forgotten to put the receiving container below the spout. Help! I need assisted living!”
(Ed. Note: I used that line on my wife, who responded, “You HAVE assisted living. Me!)

SWATCH BUCKLING

Q: Why was I having so much trouble buckling the leather strap on my watch?
A: Because I didn’t have my glasses on and I was trying to put it on upside-down.

SPEECHLESS

Mac writes, “I don’t know what to make of this one: Playing tennis with Maurice, a youth of 62, I was getting ready to serve when I heard him yell ‘Wait!’
“He seemed to be pointing down toward my feet. I looked down at the line and saw that I was bouncing the ball prior to serving FROM THE SERVICE LINE AT MID COURT!
“Should I see the doctor???”

A MEDICAL SCARE

Barbara insisted that Ron carry his new cell phone with him at all times. “Oh all right,” he reluctantly agreed, putting it in his jacket pocket and forgetting about it.
During his annual physical, Ron’s doctor, Dr. Coldfinger, was JUST STARTING the dreaded prostate palpation when the phone in the jacket went off, insistently playing a few bars of a march and startling the daylights out of both doctor and patient.
Heavy sigh from Dr. Coldfinger, and then, “OK, go ahead and answer it. . .”
The music should have been the “Can-Can,” like one cell I heard, but Ron said it was just the theme from “The Stars and Stripes Forever.”

SENIOR MOMENTS

PREFACE

Some of the names have been changed to protect the doofuses.
Some are anonymous.
Some of the names are real. All of the perpetrators are.

SLIGHT OVERSIGHT
Royce, 75, writes:
Okay, I laughed at you guys until today. This morning Jane (younger than Royce and still working fulltime) baked some banana bread before heading for her teaching job.  She asked me to clean up the kitchen because  she had to leave early. I was so diligent at cleaning up that I put the little  timer she had set for baking time in a drawer where, of course, with my bad hearing I didn’t hear it go off. Guess what happened to what was in the oven.
Is there help anywhere in sight?

(Ed. Note: Not much, Royce. Sorry.)

TIME OUT!
John, 70, is a nut about timing stuff right. Hungrily preparing breakfast, he gently slid two eggs into a sauce pan of heavily salted (so they won’t crack) boiling water, timed them 7 minutes (for perfectly soft-boiled) and kept an eye on the stove timer so he could microwave his leftover slice of corned beef for exactly one minute, to go with the eggs, getting both delicacies ready at the same time. Meanwhile, with three minutes to go he toasted two slices of whole wheat bread — good for the digestion.
He softened the hard butter by putting the dish in the nuker for 16 seconds and then when the egg clock said 1 minute he reset the microwave clock for one minute, to get the corned beef piping hot, and turned it on.
He buttered the toast just before scooping the eggs out of the shells, briefly cooled by putting cold water in the pan. That took just under one minute, while the microwave hummed.
Then, salivating on cue, he reached into the microwave for his corned beef and found that he had forgot to put it in. There it coldly sat, on a plate on the drainboard.
It was exactly one minute later before he could sit down to his slightly cooling eggs and toast, and he was not happy.

MIKE MAKES A SPLASH

Mike, 68, is not the only one who’s done this:

“This morning I ground the coffee beans for espresso, placed them in the
strainer, poured the necessary water into the top of the espresso machine and turned it on.
“After my shower, about 10 minutes later, the sink was covered with coffee. I Had forgotten to put the receiving container below the spout. Help! I need assisted living!”
(Ed. Note: I used that line on my wife, who responded, “You HAVE assisted living. Me!)

SWATCH BUCKLING

Q: Why was I having so much trouble buckling the leather strap on my watch?
A: Because I didn’t have my glasses on and I was trying to put it on upside-down.

SPEECHLESS

Mac writes, “I don’t know what to make of this one: Playing tennis with Maurice, a youth of 62, I was getting ready to serve when I heard him yell ‘Wait!’
“He seemed to be pointing down toward my feet. I looked down at the line and saw that I was bouncing the ball prior to serving FROM THE SERVICE LINE AT MID COURT!
“Should I see the doctor???”

A MEDICAL SCARE

Barbara insisted that Ron carry his new cell phone with him at all times. “Oh all right,” he reluctantly agreed, putting it in his jacket pocket and forgetting about it.
During his annual physical, Ron’s doctor, Dr. Coldfinger, was JUST STARTING the dreaded prostate palpation when the phone in the jacket went off, insistently playing a few bars of a march and startling the daylights out of both doctor and patient.
Heavy sigh from Dr. Coldfinger, and then, “OK, go ahead and answer it. . .”
The music should have been the “Can-Can,” like one cell I heard, but Ron said it was just the theme from “The Stars and Stripes Forever.”