We weren’t rich, but by global standards we are all mostly privileged, and I am exceptionally persistent.  Lucky for me in a divorced, “latch-key” situation I never knew hunger, or real fear, or homelessness.  In my persistence I even managed a high school exchange to France where I visited my first family farm.  At home I was a victim of boredom more than anything else.  It was the suburbs after all, the Midwest even further, I went on to college in the so-called Bible-belt for a spell, but low-and-behold that seemed to be the drug-belt as well.

From our party circle in those days two are dead and one has relapsed.  My dad calls hubby and I “simple.”  I wonder if he remembers those days when he referred to me as “high maintenance,” on a good day.

Long before that, watching the evening news with Mom there was a story running around for days about a poor father of 8 whose wife had abandoned them.  He was the talk of St. Louis and bringing in dishes and donations from all the neighboring communities.  Mom quipped without hesitation, “As if that doesn’t happen every damn day to women!”

I was momentarily shocked. Firstly because she is not the cursing type.  Next because I’d been thinking along another line entirely.  I’d been feeling bad for the guy too!  I was maybe 12, and ready to open Mom’s wallet as I jotted down the address on screen calling for more donations and where they might be sent.

I seemed inclined toward perpetual gullibility for years hence.  I disbelieved a friend of a sister because I found she parties too much, and so I missed a boulder-sized second clue.

The first clue comes later, after filtered through layers of indoctrination, to be explained in a sec.

The second clue was Mena, Arkansas. S was another party girl, my sister’s friend, ten years my junior, god rest her soul.  I have no reason at all to believe her death was any more than an accident, or overdose, whatever the official account is.  I only know what she told me, and what I wrote off as stories of more stories of girls who party too much, according to me.

It’s not as if I was a stranger to those circles, in the general sense, I’d just moved on.  But still I was accustomed to boredom and too often in new places with nowhere to go and too few to talk to.  Not that I’ve ever been much of a talker, unless you know me quite well.  Mostly, I listen.

And what S told me was that which was plastered in a different light across the mainstream headlines as the Iran-Contra scandal, or I would have recognized it as such, had I cared at all to connect the dots at that time.  Considering the source and my limited information and distracted state of mind I do not blame myself or her and never did hold any of it as truth and left it in the recesses of my mind for several years.

Life happens and years go by.  I met Hubby, we connect and begin to build, as tends to happen in love.  I’m not noticing much beyond the scope of what it takes to move toward thriving in life, what I deem the natural course of things.  But other unplanned things happen, Katrina happens, then Ike happens, I begin to get this feeling of treading water despite following all the necessary life precautions–jobs, insurances, investments, taxes, volunteering, reaching out.  Still I attempt to carve out a marginal space for myself where my own values do not collide excessively with the plainly stated values of the completely corrupted structures.

My First Clue: I begin to notice each time I fly I’m selected for some sort of secondary screening, but this is not like some great noticing, as if I’m immediately indignant or something.  I just find it curious.  Like most of us, I’m trained not to over-question.  I’m so trained in fact that I don’t even immediately register a comment from a passenger waiting next to me.  I’d asked him what the announcement just said, because it was incomprehensible, and he said, sorry, I don’t know.

Ok thanks, I replied but then asked, do you know which section is boarding now?  I’d been lost in my book and I hadn’t a clue.  He replied 3, or whatever it was, and I said thanks and returned to my book.  He glances over at the boarding card placed as book mark and says. “Oh, you’re on The List.”

I’m sorry?  The List?

Yes, The List.

Because it’s not uncommon for me at times in crowded public to feel near enough to the Twilight Zone, I decided not to inquire further.  I employed my usual tactic–a sweet round smile, nod, thanks, and quick dive back into the book.

It’s not that I’d totally discounted him.  I mean, what reason did he have to say that, really?  He saw the SSSS on my boarding card, and repeated what he knew.  That’s what we do.

But “Lists” of this sort didn’t identify with me as the sort of thing that happens in America.  I had the typical Cognitive Dissonance-level denial, Yes, I know, Terror Happens, but you know, not here, typically.

Clue # 3:  Third and final crack at denial.

Once again I’m selected on a flight for secondary screening, but this time I ask, “why am I selected, I seem to always be selected,” I complained to the security officer, who replied, “It’s random.”  My logic finally refused to accept such an incredible coincidence.  When I got home I looked it up and sure enough, there is a “Terrorist Watch List” and those with an SSSS consistently on their boarding card are on it, and it’s common knowledge to a lot of people apparently, except me.

So now, according to THEM, I am the potential Terrorist!  The one who joined the Peace Corps to show my commitment to . . . something.  An ideal I see now I felt more in my heart than I saw in my world, or my work.

The same culture that once called me too Idealistic, too optimistic, now calls me a right-wing extremist.  How can I not question:  How has it come to this?!

If disillusionment were a four-letter word, or anything I thought might matter to anyone, then I guess I could name it that, again.  But what when you name it that at age 20, and at that time, it was still Rated G in comparison?  Words no longer do justice.  This kind of OUTRAGE is the emotional polar opposite of AWE–it’s felt first in the body and is lost in all translation–only music or poetry can come close.  I guess I finally understand heavy metal.  Platitudes of Peace and Love are hopeless against OUTRAGE.  It is far beyond anger, cannot be meditated or even medicated away, and it should not be.  It is the fiery precursor to authentic necessary action.  Trying to turn outrage into love through prayer and prescriptions is the evolutionary equivalent of genocide.

I STILL believe the same thing the now-greenie-weenies once SANG for!  FREEDOM!  LIBERTY!  This is not the same as PEACE and LOVE, which are great too, but really secondary in this case.  Slaves have love and relative peace quite often–Is that really enough?  Because the tyrants in government will continue to convince you it is.  It’s in their best interest you comply.  What John Lennon was really saying in his Revolution from my bed was:  Lie down masses in comfort and let us appease our libidinous appetites so THEY can continue to war in the world with greater ease.  You’re Welcome, Peace Man!

THEY ask me to donate again my time, my skills, my resources, not to mention my BLOOD, to feed their machine that prints money ten-gillion times faster than I can make it!  The Czechs used to complain about their Communist government constantly hyping the need to GIVE-GIVE-GIVE.

Been there, done that.  For real.  With UNICEF, Planned Parenthood, United Way, Red Cross, Green Peace, Center Against Sexual Assault, and so on.

While in the Peace Corps I remember how irritated my local compatriots became with the word “volunteerism.”  I didn’t get it then, I was a happy volunteer!

Required by the State, they informed me.  The State they did vote in, so they say, on the Ballot of Identical Opponents.  Pro-wrestling for the “educated”.

Nowadays we have the saviors coming out of the woodworks en masse–the greenie-weenies who will save the world by throwing money and prayers and ever-more power to those raping it.  They will help us save the world, sure, though they have little clue whatsoever what the world is actually up to, and it seems they prefer to keep it that way.  Wake them up please when it’s over, they just want Peace and Love and the right to Meditate or Medicate all unpleasant reality away.  Wish it into being, they exclaim!

Meanwhile it becomes impossible for some to ignore the horse manure they’re shoveling while everyone else seems to be instinctively and repeatedly turning away from the stench and toward new and improved methods of escapism.  The preppers and survivalists are “regressing” apparently, while the greenie-weenies are enlightening humanity.

“We had no idea what they were capable of!” Sometimes it was said with passion, sometimes resignation, sometimes bewilderment, but the words were the same.  This was the consensus of elderly ladies in Czechoslovakia whom I spoke with in the years just following its change to the Czech Republic, not long after the so-called Velvet Revolution.

They had voted them in.  They had promised so much–safety and prosperity and change!  When the tanks rolled into Prague they were shocked!

“We had no idea what they were capable of.”  Repeated to me over those years so many times I can never forget it.  Still, it’s taken me all these years and varied direct evidence and countless hours of research to finally admit it, and face the conspiracy head on.

Tyrannically warriors have no qualms about the means they use to get their ends.  Collectivism is their agenda, they are open about it.  Your laws are as meaningless as your showers of love and prayer.  But go ahead, stay in bed and feel good about your “revolution” because that makes it so much easier for you, and them.

Whether they are trying to slaughter our bodies, our minds, or our wills, it really makes little difference, does it?   Ignorance is no longer bliss, it’s betrayal.

Oh, but don’t worry, they’re all just drills!

grandma

The Totalitarian Tiptoe explained.

And then some “Drills”:

What do you think about all this? So far there’s Houston, Minneapolis, L.A., Miami, Chicago, Boston, Long Branch, Laredo and St. Louis. Did I miss any?

Minn…eapolis Residents Catch Footage of Black Hawks Conducting Urban Training Exercise: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2012/08/28/minneapolis-residents-catch-footage-of-black-hawks-conducting-urban-training-exercise/

Another Massive Military ‘Training Drill’ Involving Helicopters Spotted in Houston, Texas - Watch the Raw Footage: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/01/28/military-conducts-another-massive-training-drill-involving-helicopters-this-time-in-texas/

LAPD And Special Forces Conduct Military Maneuvers In The Skies Above Downtown LA: http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2012/01/25/lapd-and-special-forces-conduct-military-maneuvers-in-the-skies-above-downtown-la/

U.S. Military to perform helicopter exercises along border (Laredo): http://www.valleycentral.com/news/story.aspx?id=776980#.UQivHmfl4Zw

So Why Have Military Helicopters Been Flying Over Miami? We Explain, Plus See the Videos: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/01/28/so-why-have-military-helicopters-been-flying-over-miami-we-explain-plus-see-the-videos/

Blackhawk Choppers Buzz Chicago Skyscrapers: http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local/blackhawks-helicopters-chicago-oeme-147679695.html
Drone Spotted in Chicago Suburbs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzrS0BVJynM

Military Training Exercises to Take Place In and Around Boston: http://www.cityofboston.gov/

US Military to Run Urban Exercises in North St. Louis - Residents Hope It Will Cut Down on Crime: http://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2012/06/us-military-to-run-urban-exercises-in-north-st-louis-residents-hope-it-will-cut-down-on-crime/
‘Makes Very Little Sense’: Why Are Army Tanks Rolling Down Residential Roads for Training in St. Louis?: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2012/06/25/makes-very-little-sense-why-are-army-tanks-rolling-down-residential-roads-for-training-in-st-louis/

New Jersey: Army Conducts Training Exercises in Long Branch Monday Night : http://longbranch.patch.com/articles/army-will-conduct-training-exercises-in-long-branch-monday-night

‘We Have Never Seen Anything Like This Before’: Beck & the Military Weigh in on Army’s Public Training Exercises: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2012/07/10/we-have-never-seen-anything-like-this-before-beck-the-military-weigh-in-on-armys-public-training-exercises/

Obama to Top Brass: Will you fire on American Citizens?:
“World-renowned educator and human rights activist Jim Garrow says that the source, man regarded as “one of America’s foremost military heroes,” told him that President Obama is using a new litmus test for “determining who will stay and who must go” among top-ranked military leaders. That test is whether they will fire on US citizens or not. Garrow says that his source made the disclosure in order to “sound the alarm” over the administration’s plans…” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzT6X3_Bg9o

Report: Washington Didn’t Even Tell Marine Gen. He Was Being Replaced: http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/01/25/report-washington-didnt-even-tell-marine-gen-he-was-being-replaced/

Subversion And The Demoralizing And Dismantling Of Our Military: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3835307043367&l=b884483d3b

(links courtesy of Nannette White, via Facebook)