We at Rustic Romance Farms have discovered the key to true Romance. We call it: Novelty.
Valentine’s Day is a major holiday now and no amount of your complaining is going to change that. But from couples who have been there and done that together for YEARS, we often hear a big bored Valentine bah humbug.
We make preparations, buy cheesy cards, dress up in uncomfortable clothes, light candles, have what’s supposed to be a romantic dinner that’s ridiculously over-priced, then go home.
Relationship experts agree that novelty is a requirement of romance, that’s why they recommend we older couples try to shake things up a bit: get a hotel room, dress in lingerie, use props, experiment with aphrodisiacs.
But I’ve got a great recommendation that will be much cheaper and develop your skills at the same time!
This Valentine’s Day, why not slaughter your own dinner together?!
For just $22.95 you and your beloved can have the Valentine’s experience of a lifetime. Come on down to the farm and pick out your very own chickens, then let us guide you on a magical journey together while we slit their throats, pluck their feathers (yours to keep as a souvenir for your grandchildren!), eviscerate them, and you take them home to craft your very own rustic romantic roast chicken dinner, or chicken pie, straight from the farm! I’ll even throw in my best old-fashioned country-style recipes.
Act now and we’ll send you home with a free dozen yard eggs you can collect yourself from right under the hen’s behind!
But that’s not all, I’ll even share my award-winning, top secret recipe for French Toast-not a single illegal ingredient, so perfect for the whole family!
Recreate real romance with your beloved at Rustic Romance Farms, home of the chicken slaughter Valentine!
Here’s what folks are saying about their Slaughter Valentine experience:
“We had such a blast! One time Micah accidentally splattered blood all over me! It was so funny!”
~Shannon & Micah St. Louis, MO
“Mishelle and Handy Hubby are awesome hosts. They even lets us take home the chicken guts for our dog!”
~Eli & Christina Manhattan, NY